FOR BETTER

B-tech is finally over and I missed the class photograph (actually bunked it on purpose with friends.. don't ask me why). Now I am at home. I am trying to feel good about being at home and I am trying to feel bad about college being over and I am failing at both. Not even the good food at home is making me feel better, which is very strange. But the stranger part is that I am not feeling bad either.Its as if I am indifferent to whatever is happening right now. Yes, of course the 'future' is a relief and I am so looking forward to it. 'College being over' is so overrated!
Last few days were spent at hostel, reconciling with everybody and writing good things in everybody's diaries, so that they may remember the good in us. We even tried staying together, chatting, eating together, living life with friends the way we always wanted to. We also spent lots of time reminding one another of funny incidents from all the 4 years spent almost together, staying up late and teasing one another and telling each other we would miss them.
Things don't always happen the way we want them to. The day before returning home I witnessed a heart rending fight between two of my friends. Of course two months hence nobody would remember nobody, but this fight would certainly be hard to forget for some time to come.
Sure made things a bit ugly!!
When two of your friends fight, you are in the most uncomfortable position. You have to decide which side to take specially when you are not aware of the actual cause and also when you have been spending time, trying hard to reconcile with everyone..so staying indifferent doesn't help much either.
So, the four years ended with a melodrama. When one of my friends left Bareilly, I cried. Somebody reminded me that she and I belong to the same city and can meet any time we want. That wasn't very comforting. Soon others left too, but this time no tears came. They are all from Lucknow, my home town! We were all returning to the same place!
Mom, dad and sis arrived. We somehow stuffed my things into the car and made space for the four of us too and drove back home... away from 'my' room no. 31, away from my hostel, away from my college, away from Bareilly, away from those four years...... towards something better.

RESTORE POINT

All I can think of now is that I will be leaving Bareilly in four days.

Four days and the end of this four year long journey. This is all that I can write about because this is all that I think of these days. So many emotions and feelings are swirling within that I feel an urgent desire to jot them down before I go crazy and yet I seem not to find proper words to frame my thoughts.

I went to visit my friend, Rakhi, yesterday and stayed over. This place has been my refuge for the last four years. Every time I felt I could not take in any more of the hostel and college bullshit, I would rush over to her place. Besides, aunty always cooks some really nice food for me.

This time, I was really sad while walking out of the front door, because I thought that this was probably my last visit to her place while I am still here. Of course we plan to keep in touch. While returning to the hostel, I looked outside the tempo and I tried to take a picture of everything I could see and store it in my mind for future reference. I want to remember everything the way it is now, so that I can rollback whenever I miss my friends. I don’t really know what else to write.

BEYOND B-TECH

Tomorrow is my last examination of B-tech - 'the four year journey comprising 39 end semester examinations and several unit tests and practicals'. I finally get to become an engineer.. 'Er. Shobhita Singh'.

The end of four years. This college was my first attempt at independence. Trying to live on my own, away from home. I had always wanted to live at a hostel. It wouldn't have been that bad had the food been good, which never was.

I'm not so concerned about tomorrow's examination as I am of what comes next.. beyond B-tech.

What will that life be like? So maybe B-Tech was never my first choice and I had always wanted to make a career elsewhere, but there is always a purpose behind everything that happens. The kind of job I will probably be getting into hasn't got much to do with my 4 year B-Tech and the kind of job I want to do won't either but surely God has some plans for me and much better than mine too. 

What I am looking forward to most is that feeling of being financially independent. I just want to be able to earn and make my parents feel proud of me for it. I want to be able to get for them all that they couldn't because of the expenses of my studies, though this will probably take some time.

I want to live a happy and very simple life. I want to relish every moment of my life and I don't want to regret anything later in my life. I want to wake up in the morning and  be glad about going to work. I want to cook for myself ( when I do learn to cook). I want to go shopping with money that I have earned. I am super excited about this 'about to happen' change in my life and can't wait to begin, as I am sure is quite evident from all that I have written above.

With God and my parents blessings, I know that I will do just fine.